Musashi And The Whale

Jane Smith couldn't help herself in spite of everything. The man let out an ear-splitting scream as she dislocated his shoulder like it was an over-cooked chicken wing. She tossed the man down to the ground and placed her heel roughly on the side of his head. The man began to thrash around violently which in turn resulted in her placing more and more pressure on his skull.

"Keep it up, and I'll stomp your sick fucking brains all over the dirt here. Now I'm going to ask one more time, real nice this time," she purred in her thick Southern accent as she leaned down, "where is the Killer Whale going to be for the meeting?"

"On her ship!" the man bellowed, "She'll be on her ship, the Lotus Blossom!"

"Very good," Jane smiled, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "now, give me one good why reason I shouldn’t just crush your skull like a grape anyway, sugah?"

"Because you're better than that Jane." A voice rang out from behind her. Carol Briggs, the American Mom stepped out from behind a copse of trees and strode forward, obviously irritated. Citizens’ arrests by costumed vigilantes, while common in Angel Falls due to its large metahuman population, was still subject to strict legal procedures; Title 18 didn’t make exceptions just because you were a cape. Torture and any evidence gathered thereto tended not to fly in the courts of law, not to mention being cruel and inhuman punishment. And yet here she was, stomping the guts out of a senior Yakuza kobun, apparently unprovoked.  Jane should know better by now, she thought to herself.

Jane sighed and stood back up, letting her foot up off the Yakuza soldier's head.

"Well look who finally decided to show back up." she said as she kicked the man in the side of the face hard, knocking him unconscious instantly. Carol crossed her arms as Jane turned around to face her. "Done playing nurse-maid for that Kraut war-criminal yet and ready to help stop Gerber? You remember Gerber right? The Thule witch would you were supposed to be investigating when you suddenly jumped ship to go rescue Goering's pet assassin."

"I remember her." Carol nodded, "Why aren't you still on her case?"

"Because, Eva Kant, I'm not the master of disguise; that's why. I wasn't sent to infiltrate her cell of the Reich and find out where she was: you were." Prodigy said matter-of-factly. "Coventina and I looked into it while we waited for you, and when you didn't show or report anything we got worried. Then you turned up in Germany battling some freakish ‘roided-up Nazi double of Olga Yezhov and the Iron Chancellor before you vanished again. Ms. Merlin had to go take care of other cosmic problems in the meantime and I got back to doing what I did best; stomping on criminals. 'Keep us in the loop through-out' you said. I thought we were friends Carol, I thought you trusted me."

"We are and I do...there are just some things I didn't think you'd understand." American Mom sighed, dropping her arms to her sides.

"So what is this Nazi to you? All the old footage shows you guys knocking the teeth out of each other and yet you hopped off to Germany to almost get killed over her."

"It's complicated..." Carol began, "I have a mutual respect for her. She isn't a Nazi, she is a patriot...a super-patriot to Germany much like you or I fought for our country..."

"Bullshit." Jane sneered, "She willingly served one of the most sadistic and evil governments this world has ever produced. She doesn't get a 'buy' just because she didn't swallow all their dogma. I think our current POTUS is a race-dividing, class-dividing Kenyan-born crypto-Muslim Bolshevik fag son of a bitch and that the people who believe his lies are mental handicapped but that doesn't make me any less a product of the American government. You could have gotten killed by von Trotha and whatever that thing is he seemed to have with him."

Carol brushed off Jane’s deliberate baiting. She’d lived through thirteen different administrations, been involved in five generation-shaping conflicts and global wars, but she never considered herself a product of her government or its policies. She strove to represent the nation, its people and its ideals… Besides, Jane was entitled to vent as much as she wanted; Carol had indeed gone AWOL, but it was for a good reason… Although, she thought to herself, anyone who believed the Koch Brothers' neocon mouthpiece Fox News and their inane talking heads were themselves short bus candidates and shouldn't be allowed access to the Internet, much less have the right to bear arms! The seemingly insurmountable political division among her fellow citizens made her sad... She'd lived long enough to be able to see that both political parties were deeply corrupt and essentially the same at the highest level, and the apparent ideological differences were intended to keep the unwashed masses divided and fighting among themselves.

"I know, it was dangerous and stupid move, but I would gladly do it again to save lives."

"You mean her life..."

"I don't have to explain myself to you Jane," Carol said confidently, taking a few steps towards her, "You are a good friend and have been working to become the type of hero this city needs and respects, but I don't answer to you. I'm sorry if I left you out of the loop...Lord knows I grappled with it. While I was infiltrating Gerber's Fourth Reich cell I discovered that Brunhilda was still alive and had been found by Ilsa and her scientists. The story was that she was going to use her to finish off von Trotha and end the schism within their ranks. I also learned that von Trotha had cloned a version of Olga and he planned to use it to eliminate Ilsa."

"So you should have let them kill each other off..." Jane mumbled before a withering look from Carol cut her off.

"I owed Brunhilda. I was not about to let her be killed by some twisted science experiment of a madman in the streets of the city that she had loved so very much. I had to step in and save her, and save the lives of hundreds of German citizens that could have been killed in their battle. I owed her Jane and after I saved her I made sure she was somewhere that the Reich, either Ilsa or von Trotha couldn't find her as she was nursed back to health. You asked where I've been and now you know everything. I wanted to tell you...I didn't even tell Olga that I had learned about the clone until after the fact which is why she wasn’t there either. Neither of you would have understood why I did it. All I can ask now is for you forgive me so we can move on from this and continue our friendship...our partnership."

The man lying on the ground next to Prodigy groaned, which elicited another swift kick to the head that drove the consciousness from him as he was coming around. Carol rolled her eyes, but said nothing. Despite the apparent viciousness of the act, Jane had learned to control her strikes with precision- if she’d  really wanted to the man’s head could have wound up in New York. 'Kill a chicken to train a monkey', Jane still had a reputation to maintain...

"I don't understand...maybe I never will, but you're a good friend Carol and you've helped me a lot on this road I've started down. You never judged me and you never questioned my past, even though at times I know you wanted to. I won't do that to you. Your past, and your past relationship with Brunhilda Adelar are yours, just like Olga and mine. But..."

The Amazonian blonde took a menacing step towards Carol who stood her ground defiantly.

"If you ever go off and almost get yourself killed in something that stupid without asking me for help, then we go our separate ways. Deal?"

Jane held out her hand, which Carol let out a breath of relief and shook vigorously.

"Deal...and thank you Jane."

The big woman nodded and released her grip, taking a few steps back.

"So what have I stumbled onto here, maybe I can help?" Carol asked, looking at the unconscious man lying nearby.

"Takiko Meishima was an executive that worked for Universal Omnitech when she wasn't acting as the wakagashira in the local chapter of the Yakuza. Four years ago she was kidnapped by the assassin duo Poison & Rin under contract to a militant environmental group. Ms. Meishima apparently had been developing her own line of products at Omnitech at the expense of blue whales or something. The tree-hugging terrorists gave her an experimental formula that accelerated fat growth in animals and then fed her up to about a ton. Those dolphin-humping pinkos must be pretty big on irony… Meishima's Yakuza contacts found her and she has since risen to the rank of oyabun here in Angel Falls. Calls herself the 'Killer Whale' and likes killing her enemies by suffocating them under her body."

"Charming." Carol wrinkled her nose.

"Anyway, she's been real quiet the last two years or so, consolidating her power and letting the higher-grade metas and crazies fight over the city. Word is that she is organizing her own metahuman team of assassins to take out all the local crime bosses in a single evening and swallow up their businesses. She's supposedly meeting with them tonight to make final arrangements and this piece of shit," Jane motioned at the unconscious man, "just provided me with the name of the ship."

"And you want to bring her in?"

Jane shrugged. "I figure I'm one of the few who could lift her fat ass to jail...if she doesn't go down with her ship like an anchor."

"I'd be more than willing to help if you'll have me Jane and then we can refocus on Gerber before it becomes too dicey."

"Deal." Prodigy said, holding out her hand for Carol to shake. It was accepted and returned by the smiling raven-haired woman. “Maybe we can play catch with that lard-ass Jabba the Hutt wannabe once we’re done taking her down…”

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It didn't take the two women long to find the ship. It was a large luxury liner docked at Eden Island to the north of the city.

Jane as usual wanted to conduct a straightforward balls-out assault through the front gate, but Mom suggested a different approach that was less likely to have them facing multiple lawsuits from the bad guys for unlawful arrest and grievous bodily harm, and more likely to get the goods on the Killer Whale’s plans. First a quick stop at one of Mom’s Angel Falls safehouses…

A few hours later Shen Saito, the Yakuza kobun Jane Smith had roughed up earlier approached the dark-suited guards armed to the teeth with assault rifles stationed at the pier. He was accompanied by a tall, strikingly beautiful woman clad in a revealing short dress. Her beautiful Slavic features were framed by long blonde tresses. The Yakuza straightened up when they recognized Shen; quickly stubbing out their cigarettes and bowing as he walked up to them with his companion.

“兄貴(Aniki),” they nervously greeted the senior kobun, an underboss in his own right. He grunted tersely in reply, not even bothering to look the men in the face- he had a package to deliver for the oyabun.

The guards sniggered, ogling the curvy woman as the ブロンド娼婦 (Burondo shōfu) sashayed up the boarding ramp past them. One of the younger kobun grabbed her butt. Saito turned, ostensibly to dress down the younger soldier for this infraction, but also studied the blonde’s reaction worriedly. At first, there was a flash of anger in the tall woman’s eyes and her nostrils flared, but she just smiled and squeezed the young man’s hand in a vice-like grip. “Uh-uh, sugah, these goods are for your bosses. Wait in line like a good little boy.” She released the shocked Yakuza’s hand and he quickly scampered behind his other companions, suppressing the urge to scream in pain. The other Yakuza guffawed – they would be making fun of Kenji for a long time afterward. Shen smirked, his companion was learning self-control. Good.

“I don’t see why I have to wear a mask disguise, that’s your schtick,” the blonde grumbled as they made their way into the bowels of the ship. “You’re too recognizable,” her companion retorted. “Besides, Ukrainian girls are a staple in Japanese gentlemens clubs. And it seems Ms. Meishima likes pretty dancing girls…” And better to sneak the big blonde in through the front door rather than leaving a trail of broken bodies along the way…

“You made me look like one of the bull-dyke Soviet’s girlfriends. Real nice,” the blonde continued to gripe. “And I can barely conceal my costume under this…this…dress…”

“Shhh, we’re almost inside,” Saito said out of the corner of his mouth as they were ushered into a massive dining cabin, capable of seating a few hundred people in the most expensive and beautiful of surroundings, decorated to resemble a Japanese castle's audience chamber. Meishima was here and not at all difficult to spot. The still vain Japanese woman was made up like a geisha and wore a silken kimono that could have covered a Suburban. Her body was truly massive with beach ball sized breasts and an ass that could have doubled as a couch for three people. She was gorging herself on delicacies, flanked by a dozen or so tattooed Yakuza soldiers, all of whom were armed to the teeth with firearms and swords. Seated around the room near the front were five other individuals, men and women both, dressed all in black almost tactical 'ninja' costumes. The Killer Whale’s elite assassins.

“Shen-chan!!” The whale-like Yakuza boss cried out when she saw him enter the hall. “Just in time,” she said between gulping down mouthfuls of food. Gobbets spat out messily as she spoke. How distinctly unladylike.

“I was just about to hand out the mission assignments to our shinobi here. Each one will take out the heads of our rival Sicilian and Colombian crime families, and their entire command structure. After this bloodbath, I will be free to consolidate my control over the honorable criminal elements of this city and take control of their lucrative drug-running operations while the capes are kept busy dealing with ridiculous metahuman threats. And if Takeshi-dono and the Tokyo families expect a bigger slice of the profits, they’ll have to accede to my demands…” Bingo, criminal conspiracy to commit multiple homicides and a host of other RICO offenses.

Shen bowed stiffly towards his boss, the tall blonde following suit behind him. “I’ve brought the entertainment for the evening, nee-san.” He was the only one allowed to use that honorific in her presence. Anyone else who didn’t refer to the mercurial Angel Falls oyabun as ‘boss’ might be forced to lop off one of their fingers, or worse, be crushed under her immense bulk if she was feeling particularly sadistic. “Blonde and Amazonian, like the metahuman kaiju you hate so much…”

Meishima squealed in delight, clapping her hands excitedly. “Oooh, for me? You shouldn’t have! My, my, but she’s a big one! Curvy!”  She licked her lips hungrily.

“Come here, blondie,” the Killer Whale switched to English, patting her massive thigh. “Make yourself comfortable, my dear. We’re going to have such fun together…”

The blonde’s lips curled in disgust. She arched an eyebrow and looked expectantly at her companion. “Now?”

“Now!” Shen replied, his frame expanding and growing until his skin and clothes burst open, revealing a familiar busty raven-haired Amazonian beauty clad in a skintight star-spangled bodysuit.

The blonde gleefully tore at her face and clothes, tearing away her disguise to reveal the (in)famously violent metahuman vigilante Prodigy. She hated concealing her identity like that, and it was a relief to be free of the confining disguise.

The two star-spangled heroines flew headlong into the assemblage of assassins, taking advantage of the shock and awe their amazing reveals had caused. Jane clothes-lined the first one as he stood up at their sudden appearance and had begun to create blue flames around his hands. He flew a full three feet into the air before crashing down directly on the back of his head, knocked out cold. Carol made a bee-line for a second assassin at the exact same time, this one trying to disappear into a thick, purple smoke he was creating. Carol smashed him twice in the face, throwing him up onto the dining table and bringing it and the man on top crashing down to the ground. The Whale was screaming something at them in Japanese while the Yakuza soldiers moved to intercept the intruders and protect their mistress. More Yakuza streamed into to the hall, completely dumbfounded by the chaos unfolding. Where were Saito Aniki and the blonde hooker? Instead there were now TWO shapely metahuman powerhouses raising hell. The other three assassins all tried to put as much distance between them and the alpha-level Amazonian heroines as possible. One of them simply teleported out of the room and was gone in a puff of black soot, with a smell like burnt matches. The remaining two were left to their own devices.

The assassin facing American Mom was a lithe woman, clad in the same black "tech-ninja" look they all wore. She drew a blade from a sheathe on her back and it became apparent that she was gifted with two more sets of arms, either through mutation or advanced cybernetics. In total she was wielding four blades as she rushed towards Carol at a remarkably fast and agile speed. The ninja facing Jane began to fire freezing blasts at her that shattered whatever they hit into chunks of already melting ice.

"Castling!" Carol shouted.

Jane nodded and both women suddenly switched opponents. With a burst of super-speed, Prodigy slammed into the nimble, multi-limbed woman and grabbing her shoulders, gave her head-butt that filled the chamber with a resounding crack. American Mom ducked under the blast that was meant for Jane and before the surprised man had a chance to draw a bead on this new threat, she came in hard and fast, landing an uppercut under his chin that sent him reeling backwards. Taking hold of his arm, Carol delivered a barrage of swift kicks to his sternum until he had no more fight left in him. Jane too had finished off her assassin with a series of super-strong punches, leaving her unconscious surrounded by a plethora of bladed instruments. Both women turned their gaze to the Yakuza soldiers that had their weapons leveled at them both.

"Really?" Mom asked, "You think guns and swords are going to stop either one of us?"

"You're all welcome to try, but when you fail it's your own dumb-ass stupidity that will be what landed you in intensive care." Jane said grinning like a Cheshire cat and cracking her knuckles. Carol shot a look over in her direction briefly. She always enjoyed it a little too much still.

One of the men took a shot at Jane, that of course bounced harmlessly off her body. The tall, muscular blonde was on him in a second, disarming him with one punch and shattering his collarbone with a second one. The man let out a strangled cry of pain as Jane dropped him to the ground with a broken kneecap. As he rolled around howling, she folded her arms across her chest.

"Anyone else want to test me?"

The other soldiers dropped their weapons and took a few steps back, giving the heroes access to their wheel-chair bound leader. The Killer Whale was furious beyond words and could only watch them advance, quaking and quivering with anger.

"Takiko Meishima, you are under arrest." Carol said in a low, firm voice as she approached the massively obese woman. "The charges are murder, conspiracy to commit murder, loan sharking, racketeering, obstruction of justice, illegal gambling, and tax evasion...to name a few."

"My lawyers will have a field day with this, you two redneck vigilantes breaking into my yacht and roughing up my innocent men who were just protecting their beloved mistress.  You both have just made an enemy you will soon wish you had not." The Whale sneered at them through her fleshy jowls.

"I've heard that before and from better." Carol said unimpressed. She tossed her 'Shen Saito' mask at the Whale.  "You blurted out your grand scheme to someone who has a built-in video recorder in her HUD.” Carol tapped her blue half-mask. “Plus, don’t think that evidence gathered in Japanese is inadmissible, Ms. Meishima. For now we are taking you to the Tartarus Metahuman Detention Center and you can call them from there."

"I'll take her Mom, you go ahead and let the police know they have a big delivery coming in."

Carol nodded, "Alright...and thanks Jane, we'll be in touch." It was going to be a long night processing this bunch, she sighed. She would have preferred helping Jane fly the Whale to Tartarus, but she trusted her enough not to do anything that would jeopardize their case against Meishima.

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"You know," Jane said, her nose wrinkled, "just being in contact with your flabby skin like this is disgusting."

She had been carrying the Whale to Tartarus through the air, genuinely sad for the first time that she actually had the strength to do something like this. The Whale had been less than cooperative for the duration of the flight thus far.

"Jane Smith you have made an error in judgement that will cost you. I know who you are, what you are and who your friends are. All of them will suffer for this outrage! Your supporters, your neighbors, their children! Even their pets! I will make sure you do not have a friend left in this city!"

Jane gritted her teeth. Part of her just wanted to toss this humongous bitch in the ocean and see if fat floated or sank, or a passing pod of real killer whales would tear her into tiny chunks of blubber. Another part of her wanted to wait until she was over concrete and just smash her like a bloated tick on the asphalt. She took a few deep breaths through her nostrils, ignoring what the Whale was saying for the most part as she continued on with her threats...for the most part.

"So from what I hear," Jane interrupted loudly, "you got this body because of something those oak-banging eco-freaks gave you...rumor was something from SoftArms did it."

"True enough," Meishima replied, "without their 'assistance' I would not have the beautiful body I have now, nor the power and respect."

"Uh huh." Jane answered back, more than a little grossed out, "Anyway I bring it up because when I was a guest at the prison I made friends with a lot of the guards there. Good friends. They're a great bunch of guys who believe a lot of the things I do, especially given their proximity to scum like you. I'm going to make sure you get there alright, get checked in and under their care, these friends of mine...and then I'm going to bring them so much of that SoftArms shit to feed you morning, noon and night that you're barely going to be able to wiggle your pinky finger you'll be so fucking fat! After a few weeks of that, when you're so fat you can't breathe without a respirator, and you're just a shapeless, fleshy blob with a head, then we'll see who shouldn't have fucked with who!"

The Whale had stopped threatening. In fact she had stopped talking all together and Jane reveled in her fear. Carol wouldn't approve, but then Carol didn't have to know did she?

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For this story, and myself took up the pen, but of course Johnny came up with this magnificent image!

Carol Briggs (Marshall) the American Mom and Brunhilda Adelar belong to my friend

The assassin duo of Poison and Rin (c)

'Musashi and the Whale' was created by Utagawa Kuniyoshi.

This story appears in and is a part of the