My name is Thomas Morgan and I live in Angel Falls. It was a big to do with my parents when I told them I was going to college out here. "You'll be killed by one of Ultrawoman's schemes or by the gang violence or hit with a meteor or..." I heard it all and none of it phased me. The way I looked at it I was in the safest city in the world. There are a lot of theories as to why Angel Falls is a magnet for metahumans or superhumans. It was built upon a powerful mystical ley-line, or maybe it's a nexus point for a multi-verse of universe, or maybe it's just the incredible, international cuisine. I've heard all of these too. Personally I don't care. I plan on finishing my education there, getting my degree in computer programming, but more importantly I plan on finding and catching the heart of one of these lovely superheroines. I know, I know, it's ridiculously lofty isn't it? Crazy. Me, just a regular, everyday computer "nerd" coming out to the big city to find the girl of my dreams. All of them are here, in one spot, no matter what you are looking for. Tall, short, massively built or slight, every shade of eye and hair color, damn near every nationality and race and even something for those into exotics like extra arms. Angel Falls is a mecca for guys like me and so, despite my parents protests I left straight out of high school.
Do I have a favorite? That's always the next question I get asked. Well the answer is a bit more difficult. I love the whole concept of a caped crusader. Masked vigilantes saving lives for a living, stopping criminals and putting out fires. Spandex and domino masks. The whole mystique is the biggest turn on for me. Having a secret identity or even letting the world know who you are, it's all part of the life. Now back to your original question, do I have a favorite. The answer is a resounding yes: Firebrandi. I just think she's the hottest (no pun intended) gal on two legs. I think it's her cute pixie-ish nose and the way it wrinkles when she smiles. I also wouldn't feel so...inadequate with her either, height wise I mean. There are a lot of tall, amazonian ladies that make Angel Falls their home. Walkiria is probably the biggest, but she's married to the Soviet Superwoman (who is almost equally massive) so both of them are off the table. So is Fantastic Lin, who is also married. Crimson Conservative isn't married, but we would probably disagree on too many things to have a viable relationship (that and she is the tallest I believe so there's that). Mindy Marvel is a sporty and athletic heroine, also married. Lin and she seemed to have married normal everyday guys so this boosts my confidence a great deal!
Also for the record, I'm a very normal guy. 5' 8" tall and about 140 lbs. I exercise regularly (no more of that Insanity workout though) and try to eat right. I don't know if I'm exactly a "catch" but I've been told that my short black hair has an "anime" look to it, like Goku, and I have emerald green eyes. So Brandi if you are reading this, there ya go!
Anyway I've been wracking my brain as of late as to how to get her attention, Firebrandi I mean. I've been online and seen the crazy ways other guys with the same dreams and desires have tried and to be honest they seem either insane at the worst or really tacky at the best. I read about one poor bastard who stood outside a window on one of the tallest buildings (so the fire department ladders wouldn't reach him) screaming how his girlfriend left him and, his heart in shattered pieces, was going to jump and end it all. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when General Bardak arrived to talk him down. Then there was another guy who tried to waltz into Guardians HQ and profess his undying love for the Changeling. Needless to say it didn't work out so well for him (remember the "Don't taze me bro!" guy anyone?). I refuse to go to those kinds of lengths and I'm not going to ask for her digits after she just went twelve rounds with Kim Paler. Not only are they counter-productive, they are downright creepy. Do you really want to come across as some horny-stalker guy to the girl of your dreams, super-powered or not? Not me.
Contrary to popular myth it isn't like these superheroines are just zipping in and out of the sky all day long either. I've lived here for more than a year now and I've seen exactly one heroine up close, one time. I was on my way to class one morning. I just hopped off the commute and was making my way up the busy sidewalk, sipping on a mocha latte, when this small girl darts out into the middle of the road. Apparently her little dog had gotten away from her and zipped past her into traffic. I dropped my drink and tried to catch her as she moved past me, but I missed her. That's when I see it. A Mack truck heading her way at close to forty miles per hour. No chance to brake in time. I get ready to cover my eyes. The parents behind her are yelling and screaming. Then, suddenly there was this rush of wind and a sound like a thunder-crack. I look, open-mouthed, to see that the Soviet Superwoman has landed directly in the path of the on-coming truck. She holds out her arm and the massive vehicle slams into it like hitting a concrete pole. The drivers air-bag deploys even as the front end of his truck is reduced to a crumpled wreck. The Russian woman stopped it with one freaking hand! Her other hand was motioned back behind her towards the child (who had caught up with her dog and had an expression of both incredible fright and embarrassment on her face).
"Are you alright little one?" She said in her (sexy) Russian accent.
The little girl nodded, her nose was running and I'm sure she had had an accident. The dog yelped and wagged it's tail obliviously as the parents rushed over to scoop up their child. A crowd as gathering around, some people snapping pictures with their camera phones. The Superwoman checked on the driver next and used his radio to call for an ambulance. He wasn't seriously hurt and was more than grateful he hadn't run over a small child. Nightmare fuel right there. Then she waits around for the ambulance to shop up, talking with the parents and trying to calm the girl down. I see that one of the guys standing around has been taking pictures this whole time so I slide up and ask if he can share some with me. We do that "phone tap" thing to share files and that's how I got this image to go along with this story. So before long the police and an ambulance show up. People have created a decent sized crowd by now and the Soviet Superwoman asks them all to please move out of the way and let the rescue workers and officers do their jobs. In return she signs a few autographs and lets a few people snap a picture with her before she jets back into the sky, going back to her patrol. Like I said, I've only ever had this one instance but it was enough to cement the idea that my move here was the right thing.
Yes she is also just as huge in real life as she looks on television for your information.
So there it is. I know it isn't the greatest, most earth-shaking story ever. I know a few people who were present when Walkiria and Ultrawoman threw down in the middle of the street or more recently when Soviet Superwoman and some big supervillain had a slobber-knocker downtown. I'm sure their stories are much more interesting than the time Olga stopped a truck and flew away, but for me it reinforced everything about why I loved superheroes and why I love this city. Will I eventually meet Firebrandi, the girl of my dreams, and hopefully have a relationship? It could happen and the only place it could happen is right here in Angel Falls.
*Thomas Morgan is a undergraduate student at AFU who writes editorials for the The Daily Word.
This amazing image was created for me by my dear friend
, who I hope creates more images of SSW for me to write for!
Soviet Superwoman, Thomas and the story are my property and creations.
The much-mentioned Firebrandi belongs to my good friend
This story of course takes place in